i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
