here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
