how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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