you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
