If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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