do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
