if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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