Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
