U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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