my vag is so smooth its legendary
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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