Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
