I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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