Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bring me that man meat
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
