My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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