dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
