i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
