She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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