bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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