I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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