the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
