I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
