your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's like iHOP with fire
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
