people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
