What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
