i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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