I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
