the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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