i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
