Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize