LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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