Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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