i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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