I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
