you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
