We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
