He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
