if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize