Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
