I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
