I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
