ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize