Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
