i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
