I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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