dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
