Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
