The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
