I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
