I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
