Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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