you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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