took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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