Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize