Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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