I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
