wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
handjob tips. give me some.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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