She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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