She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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