1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize