just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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