I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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