I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
