It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize