i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
