I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
