look no pants
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I believe in your delicious
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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