What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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