May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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