cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
