Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
