Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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