ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize