One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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