I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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