Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
